Journal: Suddenly Now.
I am a make do kind of person. I live in a 180 year old house so there is a lot of making do. My studio downtown is also in a very old building. I like the spaces but old spaces, with all their beauty and character require a lot of compromise.
For years I had no office, then this was followed by a tiny narrow office. I was happy enough with it but I always savoured the window space with the glass blocks in the back room. Imagining what it might be like to hook back there. Well now I know.
Last year I divided it off with a bunch of book shelves and a curtain and started hooking back there. It felt good but was not quite right. The book cases too all the light from the rest of the space. I had to walk through a sheer curtain in and about of my space which made me feel like a madam. And I could not see what was going on in the rest of the room. It was a bit odd.
So this December I decided to put up a wall of French doors so that I could use the space but still open it up when I had workshops a few times a year. I essentially divided the room in two, but in a way that it could become one again.
It took me years to come to the conclusion that I was worth the nicest space I could find. I was so used to making do. I admire that making do aspect of myself and want to hang on to it. Just not every bit of it. I am glad I did make myself a good space.
Yesterday I spent the morning hooking there. I was not hidden behind a bunch of book cases. I could see out through the doors. I could relax, the light was good. To be honest , I just felt so lucky, so privileged to have a nice space of my own. A space that was not “make do.”
I will still maintain my make do attitude for lots of things but I am noticing that as I get older I am more likely to think make right, make just the way you like it. I suppose there is less time for fooling around and someday. The time is suddenly now.
- Deanne Fitzpatrick