If you wanna, you gotta.

Good morning,

I just try to show up for myself. 

Especially in the mornings. I try to remember what I need most. I have habits that start my day so I don't have to think about what I need. I find this helpful. This automatic pilot in the morning. 

I wake up.

I find some gratitude. I say a little prayer.

I feel thankful that I am able to get out of bed. I am always thankful for a good nights rest. I remember the day before me. It is a bit of grace to have it.

Then I get out of bed and pad through the house in my bare feet and look out the windows before my shower. I live in the country. There is always something to see. 

Then I might read a little, say a few prayers or take a minute before I pull on my boots for a forty five minute walk. There are rare mornings when I miss the walk, the few minutes to myself, and instead I find my phone in my hand. It's ok if it is a quick peek to see if there was a text from family but that's it. 

Nothing else. The early morning is my time to make. It is my powerful creative time where I can use my hands to let out my story. When I miss this time, or somehow have gone off automatic pilot, I am disappointed in myself. And I find that sometimes you go off auto for a few days in a row and I notice I feel different. I am less myself, or at least less the self I want to be.

And thats just it isn't it. At a certain point in life, at a certain point in our cognitive development as human beings we get to work at being the self we want to be. It's a choice. The choices are different for everybody but everybody has some choices to make.

If I wanna be an artist I gotta make art. If I wanna be a designer I gotta draw. If I wanna be a writer I gotta write .

Say that to yourself. Insert the words you want.

 If I wanna be a ____________ I gotta ___________. 

Such a simple powerful statement. Such a simple powerful choice.

If I wanna be a rug hooker I gotta hook rugs. 

If I wanna be ready for the day I gotta take my walk.

If I wanna be pleasant I gotta take those few minutes to myself.

If I wanna? If I wanna?

If I want to? I got too.

That's my story. If I don't want stiff joints I gotta get out and walk. If I wanna smell like fresh air I gotta breathe it in.

And I get to choose to start my day off on the right foot. I'd like to tell you I go into every single day like this but it's true. I wake up sometimes and put on my cranky pants.

As a younger woman I generally woke up with a bit of an edge on. No wonder I like getting older. That cranky arse of mine has mostly hit the dust. It is easier to be grateful as you age. You have seen so much more and you are so in touch with your own vulnerability.

And you finally know that if you wanna you gotta.

Thank you. Writing to you is important to me. 

Thank you for reading.