the place I want to dwell.
The other night I was really cranky. I felt the stresses of the day, ordinary stresses, the kind I often have much more intensely. It was not the day. It was not anyone else bugging me. It was internal. I am not often like this, just once in a while. When I am like this though I am hyper aware of it. I don't like the feeling. It is joyless.
My husband was going out to the hockey game and I was waiting for him to head out so that I could be alone with myself. I don't think he knew I was cranky. When I told him the next day he just said, "oh." Mostly, I did not want anyone else to have to put up with me.
I just knew that I needed to get lost in a book, or a walk, or watch a show to find my way back to gratitude. That overworked word. But I knew in my sullenness that I needed to find space to appreciate my ordinary day, my ordinary life, the little things. A good supper, a warm fire, a soft light to read by. I knew it would pass.
That is the beautiful thing about emotions and feelings they rise and fall and they pass. It is something I remind myself of when I am sad, or cranky, or anxious. That it is just a feeling. It is not me, it is just something I am feeling. It is not my whole self. I have felt it before. I will feel it again, and whatever I am feeling in the moment will subside if I take care of myself.
Aww the key of taking care of ourselves. The first step for me is recognizing my mood is off. The second is getting what I need. That, as I said earlier is often quite simple. I need to rest or relax. I need to get my needs met. Often they are really basic needs such as rest, or food or companionship. Yes sometimes I just need to rant to a friend about nothing, knowing of course that I am unappreciative of the goodness around me and yes, even in me. And my good friends will point this out, though likely after a sentence or two I will point it out myself. And I do this so I get back to that all important place, a place of gratitude.
Because that is the place I want to dwell.
- Deanne Fitzpatrick