Showing up

Sometimes I do not feel like doing something, yet when I start the feeling of wanting to do it comes along. Sometimes I have to just start. Once I start everything begins to flow. Once I start I get lost in the activity and I never even think about not having wanted to do it. Once I start I am really happy I did.

This has happened to me with nearly everything I do. Walking, cooking, hooking on a rug, writing, visiting a friend, going out to dinner, going away for a little trip. I know one thing for sure, that I cannot always tell if my feelings are going to pass, or if I really feel that way. I hesitate to say that I cannot always trust my feelings because I often do trust them. Which is interesting because when I hook rugs I am relying so much on my feelings and intuition to make my choices. However, sometimes my moods get mixed up with my feelings and I don't feel like doing something. When all I have to do is start. 

For example, I never feel like putting my winter clothes away. But once I start I am perfectly content and love the feeling of getting ready for spring. I never feel like cleaning out my closet, but once I start, I start seeing certain clothes that I am not wearing on someone else and it makes me happy. Sometimes I have a rug that is not going the way I want it. Somewhere along the way I made a turn that is not working well, and I cannot see what to do next. It is easy for me to avoid it or perhaps even lose interest in it for awhile. But when I show up regardless of my feelings about it, it usually resolves itself. Once I give it my hands, as well as my mind, I can sort it out.

Feelings come and feelings go. They are not permanent states of being. When we show up to do our thing whatever it is we work through them. I rely on my feelings a lot . And sometimes I decide not to do something based on them. That's fair. I have often decided to stay home, or wait a day or two before going back to a rug, or not gone out to dinner based on my feelings. I trust my feelings but I don't always let them have the last word because I know they can be fleeting. I also know that sometimes they just need to be worked through or set aside.

Sometimes I just need to get up, or show up, and get on with it, and my feelings will move with me. So for me it is always this little dance between trusting my feelings and questioning them. Why do I feel this way? What could change that? Is this really a gut feeling, or is this just a bit of avoidance? I know that showing up to walk, to hook, to write, to make dinner regardless of how I am feeling about it, is important and good things come from this regardless of how I feel before I start. The action itself carries me along into the flow of my life.

I show up.

I don't ask myself if I feel like walking this morning, I just put on my socks and start moving towards the door. I just go back to the mat no matter if I was not doing what I wanted to. I put my hands on the keyboard and write even if my mind is telling me you don't have much to say.

I show up. 

And showing up always makes me feel good. 

Thank you for reading.