loving both sides of ourself

Last year a woman told me that when she wakes in the morning as soon as her feet hit the floor she gives thanks and she is up and running. This has stuck with me. I wake quietly and come to the day, and as I lay my feet on the floor I give thanks, and I remember her saying that. She was not telling me that so I would learn from her or do the same; she was just telling her story.

So often in telling our story we have an impact on others. Not because we set out to or even want to. We just do. I liked the connection between your feet hitting the floor and giving thanks and I have taken up the practice most mornings. Waking up and going straight to gratitude is freeing.

Whatever you have for that day, the fact that you can put two feet on the floor and move around is good enough. Thankful.

And then sometimes throughout the day I lose my way. Not everyday. Just sometimes. I forget being grateful and I feel whiney. Mind you this happened way more often when I was a younger woman. It happens less now but still occasionally it happens.I find myself irritated and overwhelmed most often because I have to do something I don't really want to do. Let's face it we all must do stuff we are not excited to do. But oh to do it with a glad heart. Well that is the mark of a saint and I am far from that.

Sometimes when I find myself in a mood such as this, I just let my cranky side reign for a bit. I acknowledge her and I entertain her. If anyone is around I tell them just leave me alone for a bit. The cranky side wants my full attention and I let her have it for a bit. For a bit. That's the thing; after she has reared her ugly head for a while I gently tell her that's enough. And you know, once she has had her say she is often ready to go back inside and rest. The best way to deal with the selfish side of myself is to love her a little. She needs kindness and understanding and guidance. She is part of me but she does not get to rule the show.

So to live in gratitude I suppose, is also to live with selfishness. We have one so we can fully understand the other. I like to believe that even the best of us are dualistic, knowing both sides. I try to live a thankful life. As an artist I can hardly believe that I get to work at this everyday. I love my work. I love the studio. It nurtures me and I nurture it. And still at times I forget the blessings and feel ungrateful. And in these times I talk to friends and I talk myself around because I do not want to wallow in the mud.

So this week I had a bit of a day where I felt all of this and so I am telling you because you are there to listen and I think you will understand. We need to hold each other up to the light, but we also need to help each other out of the dark. That is why we are here together, to love one another, and try to bring out the best in each other. Thanks for reading, thanks for listening.