Holding my tongue

"Hold your tongue." My mother said it, and likely her mother said it to her too. Now I mostly tell it to myself.

And it most always is good advice. There are times I am irritated or perturbed. There are times I have misunderstood something. There are times I want to just say whatever is on my mind. 

And there was a time when I would have. A time when the need in me to speak my truth was so great that I would have. There was a time when I did not understand that my truth was not "the" truth. This is another good thing about getting older, I now know there is more than one truth.

Now I often tell myself to hold my tongue. Occasionally, if I ask advice of someone they may advise me to do the same. To save what I think needs to be said and see if it just resolves itself on its own. And truthfully most times it does. Most times the possibly unsettling things never need to be said. I have learned over the years that things pass, feelings subside, and what bothered you just dissolves.

That is not to say that important things should not be talked about. Of course they should. It is just to say that often when we are in the thick of things we find it hard to discern what we should hang onto and what we should let go. At least I do. I sometimes need to remind myself that letting go is a better answer than talking it out. Sometimes the air between me and someone I love needs to be cleared but more often it just needs time to settle.

How I wish I knew this when I was young. I wish I had felt it in my bones then like I do now.  

We know because we grow. The more we listen the more we learn. 

I can be a terrible listener. Starting to talk before someone finishes their sentence. Jumping in instead of being quietly present. So I need to remind myself that to listen is grace itself.

Listening. To the birds. To the waves. To the sound of myself humming. To the sound of the hook pulling up through the linen. The more I listen the less I need to talk.

The sound of my silence is quite comforting.

Knowing when not to engage is something that took me years to learn. I had to teach myself to listen more and talk less. I actually have to teach myself this again every day. Day after day. To listen to people rather than give my opinion. To hear people out. To let them finish their sentence.

To listen. 

Just listen.