The best gift you can give to someone is to really listen to them. When I have something on my mind I often need to talk it through. Sometimes four or five times. I need to process it. I say to my friends and co workers, "Sorry I just need to process this. I know I said it all before." Often they tell me, "It's okay." Bless them, the listeners.
Not everyone needs to talk things out, but those of us who do need listeners. And we often need to be listeners. Often when we seek out someone to listen we just need another heartbeat. It is not solutions or answers we are seeking as much as a hand to hold. Someone to hear us, validate us, and yes of course, sometimes steer our course a bit.
The idea of advice has gone out of fashion. We shouldn't give advice. If we do we should never expect someone to follow it. Well, that part is fair enough. A soul must do what it must.
Actually, I can take a bit of advice when it is given without expectation. So often I have followed the advice of friends and coworkers. Just this week I did what Terry who works with me suggested. I often listen to Angela, the studio manager, or Lorna when I ask for their suggestions. Just yesterday we had a meeting and Lorna gave us all some sound instruction. I think if we are going to gather we need to listen. And really listening means taking things in.
When I talk, I also listen. I appreciate the ideas of others as I sort through my own. I get lots of advice. Plenty of it is not useful. Plenty of it is helpful. Advice for me is not old fashioned. It is letting others share their wisdom with you. The key is that it has to be asked for, and you have to be ready to receive it, and you have to really trust the source.
When it comes out of the blue unasked for from the wrong person, it can be irritating. So I try not to deliver it unsolicited. Oh yes, I still give advice. I never expect people to follow it, just to consider it. I always encourage people to do what they like, I just tell them what I think.
Often I find myself giving advice to the same people I take it from. My co workers, my friends, my husband, my children, and of course my sisters are my people. I turn to them and they sometimes turn to me. We all have our own little well of experience to call upon, and we trust that we have each other in our hearts. Sometimes their thoughts are not what I want to hear, but sometimes they are just what I need to hear. They help me cool my jets, make good decisions, and they give me stuff to consider.
I have gotten some good advice over the years from friends and mentors. I carry it around in my pocket like pebbles and every once in a while I find myself taking one of them out and shining it off. Knowing that I need to hear it again. Some of the people have passed away and still I carry their words with me. They resonate time and time again.
I sometimes wish I did not have to talk the same thing through three or four times. I wish I was cool like my husband who can just forget about it or put things in the back of his mind. He says, "Just let things play out." I should tell him that when he's playing hockey. Just let things play out. Well, they will play out no matter what. I just have to talk about it as it does. And I need a listener. We all do. We need someone we can talk too, and sometimes we need to be the one who listens to the same story over and over for someone else.
So this note is for the listeners. Those beautiful people in our life who haver been there for us. Who have heard our story at least once more than they needed to. They bless us and for them we are grateful.
