Oh my friend

I told my friend the other day to stop telling me I should travel. I told her that I don’t tell her that she should not travel. We laughed. But she knew I meant it. She sometimes puts on her bossy pants. It’s a nearly perfect friendship. She mocks me. I take it. I roll my eyes and shake my head and she laughs at herself.

So much of getting along is being able to see yourself as other people see you. Perhaps that is part of seeing yourself as you really are. My friends help me see myself as I really am.

And that is something I look for in a friend. I like someone who accepts me as I am and recognizes the goodness despite the limitations. 

Because I have them:

I don’t like to make plans.

I don’t like to travel.

I like to go to bed early.

I like to be able to cancel a plan if I was foolish enough to make one in the first place.

I repeat myself.

I mostly get excited about books and learning and art and business, and of course the human condition.

I cannot truly have an intelligent conversation about many subjects other than those listed above.

Talking about travel and airport connections, and diets makes my eyes glaze over.

Sometimes I can be a lot of fun, but I am not that funny.

Sometimes I have a lot of fun reading a book.

So all that being said, I am not for everyone. And neither are you probably. And that’s ok. You can find your people and when you find the right people that can help you be more yourself. And you need to keep on the lookout for your people. The ones who get you because there is some natural attrition in friendship. People move away, drift away, and develop new interests. They have kids or grandchildren and their priorities change. And yes, sadly, sometimes people leave us forever and we only ever get to keep their spirits in our heart. And so it is important to keep making new friends. I find it good for me.

Someone told me the other day some of the greatest romances you’ll ever have is with your friends. They bring you sweet gifts that say I get you. They show up with coffee and a muffin on a rainy morning when they know you are down. They are just there at the drop of a hat. We never think of friendship as romantic but really many of mine are quite sweet. There is a lot of love in them. They are just so thoughtful.

Friendships take a lot of of nurturing. And the best ones are the ones where you are not trying to read their mind, the ones where you can just come out and ask them what’s up? I love that. The ones where we can be direct with each other. When we can say, “Stop bossing me around.” And they do for a week. Then they boss you around again, and you immediately forgive them because you get them, and you love them. And of course cause you appreciate the fact they put up with you in the first place.