Every ten years

I love the grey tinged with pale yellow early morning sky. It makes me feel at home and far away at the same time. That is the sky that greeted me this morning when I went to the window. I try to make it the first act of the day, to meet the morning sky. It seems a good way to begin the day. As I write to you the grey is becoming mauve and the yellow has changed to pink. 

My mornings frame my day. They begin by reading, walking and often writing. When I am away this changes. I forgo everything but the walk. This kind of morning still feels new to me though I have been doing it for over ten years ever since the children left the house. Before that it was hustle and bustle and lunches and laundry. Times have changed and I have embraced that change.

This time in the morning is my slow time. It is a time in my life when slow time is possible and I am grateful for that, just as I was for those days of helping children off to school. Being present for each stage of our lives we can see the good that they bring. As much as youth is valued in our culture, there seems to be very few people I know who would choose to be in an earlier stage in their life again. Perhaps this is because we know it is impossible, or perhaps it is because we know that at each stage we gather knowledge. And knowledge is something so valuable we would not trade it, even for youth. 

I am fond of saying that every ten years or so we change profoundly. Some say every seven. It does not matter because for each of us it happens a bit differently. When I look back on my younger self I have lots of compassion, but honestly I think that now I would have a hard time relating to some of the women I have been, lol. Slowly I have grown into a woman that I am now and there is good in that. And good in recognizing it because it keeps me in the present and going forward instead of lamenting for the past.

I think of when I was young and knew it all, so certain and so unsure at the same time and I look at her the same kind of love I would have for a niece or a child. I have patience with her. Sometimes I look back at the times that I did not have good boundaries and couldn't express what I needed and I think, "Goodness, how did you manage that?" And I see how stressful that was until I learned to take space for myself. I look back with love.

I can remember all those stages, all those women that I carried inside myself and I can love them because they were always doing the best they could with what they knew. And that is what I am doing now, trusting that as I age more wisdom will come. Because it does if we pay attention and if we reflect. There is always more to learn, and always something new to grow into if we are able to stay open to the present, and be hopeful.