Seven Things I don't want to do

There are things I don't plan on doing. Now I am not saying they won't happen because things happen for all kinds of reasons. These are just things I pay attention to. This is not meant to be a preachy note, I am just preaching to a one woman choir named Deanne who lives in Nova Scotia and is trying to do her best. Every Sunday morning she writes to herself to remind herself that she is real, that she is here, and that she belongs. 

And she has noticed....We never talk about the things we don't want. It's all about what we plan to do. All about adding to the list, the bucket list, but I have a bucket full of things that I don't ever want to do. And I put time and effort into those. Actually I spend quite a bit of my life trying not to do things. Of course I cannot say that I will always be able to do this, any more than someone can say that they will get through the things they want to do. But I try. I really try to live with discipline.

Like for example, I don't want to ever use AI to write for me. I want to write from the heart. I want to write my Sunday Letters myself. I want to come here and tell you what's on my mind. I don't want them autogenerated. I want to hear my own voice. Some might say..."that's for sure." but "they" would be my husband. This morning I was telling him something and he was standing by the door with his hockey gear with a glazed look in his eye. I said, "You are not listening to me are you?" He could already smell the rink and feel his skates slip onto his feet. And he said, "I think this might be a rerun. "As in I had already said this before, it was nothing new. Audacity is a beautiful thing.

But here are some things I don't want.

I don't want to stop buying books at small bookstores. I want to keep visiting bookstores to buy books because there things are not laid out for me on my own personal algorithm. I find things and discover things that I would never find online. I want to fall over a book by mistake take it home and have my heart lurch and my brain tingle because it finds things in me I never knew about. I want to be surprised by ideas.

I don't ever want to drink too much and have a problem with alcohol. I always want to be intentional about this and take care of myself. I want to pay attention to how much and how often I decide to have a glass of wine because I want it always to be a decision. 

I don't ever want to stop moving. My brother in law George, when he was confined to a wheelchair would still take my hand and move it with me to music as if we were dancing. I loved that. He kept moving even when he couldn't. I want to move. When I get up in the morning my muscles are tight and squeaky but after I walk they feel better, and I feel younger.

I don't want to gain too much weight. I love food. It is honestly a joy of my life. I finish supper and I wonder what I will cook tomorrow night. I have been asked not to bring it up while we are still eating tonights' meal. Fair enough. Food is a pleasure, but I don't want to get any heavier. I was overweight as a child and I remember how uncomfortable I felt so I always want to take care of myself. My sister says it's hard on your knees if you gain weight and so I try to pay attention, and to savour food. But honestly, I eat too fast and think about ice cream and candy and sweet things all the the time. So I work at that everyday and it isn't easy. 

I don't want to stop making rugs. I love the feeling of going to the frame and bringing my heart there and laying it on the linen, and saying "..now do what you can Deanne, do what you can."

I don't want to stop showing up for other people, my family, my co workers, my friends. I want to keep getting in touch, making the call, arranging the dinner and seeing each other in real life. I don't care who called first last time. It does not matter. I just want to show up. 

All these " I don'ts", it sounds so negative but it is so positive. Knowing what you don't want is an accomplishment. It is a way to navigate your life and build it into something that you love. What we don't do can be as important as what we do. Making conscious choices as long as we are able to matters. I feel like I have been given so much goodness in my life and I want to honour that and love what is. I think real gratitude is really a persons' fortune. It is the thing that helps us see what we have been given just because we were lucky enough.