Only enough

I feel like I have been devouring books this spring.  I bought one that I had already read from the library and I decided to read it again. Why not. It is amazing to me that I remember so little of it having read it only a few years ago. It has been rainy, cold and wet, so reading has been my comfort. 

I read before I go to bed at night. This requires a certain kind of book. One that is gentle and light that carries me into a peaceful sleep. In the morning I like to read more philosophical, thoughtful or spiritual books. These books set my day off at a certain pace before my walk.

After work in the evening I enjoy a mystery. Something that carries me away, not gory or violent. I like a mystery that is mostly about the main character such as the detective. I never want a lot of violence. I will also read an essay in the evening out a bit of non fiction. I don't like to turn on the television until it is almost dark. 

On Saturday I went to the library to pick up my books. There were seven waiting for me. I order them online and they arrive from all over Nova Scotia in my local library.

Reading is a big habit for me right now, but there are times when I barely read at all. There are times when I can't seem to find or get into a good book. When I was younger this sometimes lasted for months. 

We weave in and out of things in our lives. For some it is a craft such as rug hooking, for others it is walking, or for some like me it is reading. Whatever it is we drift away from it is important to remember that it is there waiting for you. That it is you that it is drifting not it. It will be there for you, and it wants you back.

If you have gotten out of a good habit...there are so many good habits that we practice for a while, it is important to let yourself drift back to it. Because when you do it makes you happy. Often times we leave something behind because we have been distracted by something. Sometimes we leave something behind because we are going through something and our ability to focus and pay attention has changed. We can pave the way back to the good stuff ourself, slowly and deliberately.

I have never left behind my rug hooking, or my walking. They are too precious to me. But I have floundered on reading off and on over the years, and it to is precious to me. Habits are slow to form and easy to break it seems. They need to be nurtured and respected as important in our lives. I think about not reading and I wonder how I might come up with new ideas. How I might dream a new dream without all the inspiration that I get from books. 

I have created some new healthy habits this spring. Trying not to eat in the evening, trying to eat less sweets, trying to look for new learning and new ideas instead of rehashing (though the book I am re-reading feels completely new) and trying to take a few quiet moments to breathe and rest throughout the day. These are all good things that I want to add to my life. I think I will feel better with them. I think that doing these things will essentially improve me. I am also trying to remind myself daily that I am enough just as I am. Funny that, they seem to be in conflict with each other a bit. We do not constantly need to be more, do more, yet I find myself trying to improve more.

Only human, only a paradox, only a little blade of grass. Only ourselves.