the terrific beauty of it all
The other day I finished a really big rug. Norma has it now at her house to bind. It is about five feet by six feet. Full of blue and cream. I romanced it for the last couple of months. When I was away from it I thought dreamily about it . When I was with it I gave it my full undivided attention. I nurtured my relationship with it. Staking out time for it.
When I took it off the frame I felt like I had a sudden malaise. I became very tired. I had to go home. I sat in my chair. Yes, I have a chair. I read and I fell asleep. I just could not keep my eyes open though I had slept well the night before. I needed to rest.
I had let go of something important and I felt an emptiness for it having been done. I was actually lonely.
I do not feel this after all my rugs. In fact I had never identified this feeling for exactly what it was before. This was new. It was like I gave it everything I had. I felt exhausted and slightly sad to be finished. It was a bit of a romance after all.
A rug romance.
Then this morning I got up put my make up on and was ready to move on. I was not over it but I was strong again and ready.
It might be awhile before I meet another rug like that. Or maybe I'll hit it off with another one right away. Who knows. I am not counting on it or waiting on it. I am just moving on.
So today my frame is empty and that is okay. I want to feel what it is like to just be myself again. Just me. Alone. Without a rug to retreat too, or lean on.
I need some time to find my way again. I am just going to go on a few dates with smaller rugs that I really like for a while. I took out the shorter bars of my Cheticamp frame and I stood it in my office to sew a piece of linen on so that I could sit to work at it when ever the mood struck me. I wonder what I will meet there. It is adventure.
Every once in a while you are just blown away by the terrific beauty of it all and you have to go sit down and take a few deep breaths. How lucky is that?
- Deanne Fitzpatrick